Last week, I had an experience that tested how strongly I believe that God’s ways are higher than mine…an experience that really grew me as a person.
A very nice lady we had been talking to for a few minutes asked me for my name. I took a deep breath and tried once, but it just wouldn’t come out. All that passed my lips was “Um. . .” Suddenly, I heard giggling and looked up to see her smiling. But it wasn’t just her. There were a few people-all extremely kind people-laughing and repeating “um” back to me. To their eyes, the most logical conclusion to my hesitancy was that I had actually forgotten my own name for a second, which would have been hilarious in any other situation. But sadly, not this one.
One of the saddest things about stuttering is that people have no idea that they’re making fun of you, and I HAD to be understanding of that. In those painful seconds, I had three choices: I could tell them that I had a stutter and make them feel absolutely terrible for laughing at me; I could burst into tears and run away; or I could just smile, trust God, and let it go. In most cases, the best option is to tell people that you stutter so that they understand what’s happening, but there was no way I could tell these sweet people that they had just made fun of stuttering. It would have been crushing. . .for all of us.
So in that moment, I smiled, gathered all the strength from the Lord I could possibly store in my heart. . .and laughed. There’s an old saying that says, “Laugh with them before they can laugh at you.” But I didn’t laugh out of complete surrender to this difficult situation. I let it go because I was okay with just “me.” I let it go because I knew who I was in Christ. I let it go because I knew that nothing-absolutely nothing-could change my standing as a loved and redeemed daughter of the King!!